January 22, 2004

The Theatre of the Barely Socially Acceptable, Act 2

Last month, after a particularly grueling day at work I founded The Theatre of the Barely Socially Acceptable. Each month I would perform underground cell phone conversation tableaus to the apathetic minions riding DC’s subway system, the Metro. The response to our premiere performance was fantastic. No one suspected a thing and no one took notice.

Today, my theatre troupe debuts the second in its series. Speeches this week by two diametrically opposed politicos (both in tone and in temperament) provide the muse for this month’s production:

Hi, yeah it’s me.
Let me —wait a minute.
Wait a minute. Wait.
Nah, I don’t think the terrorist threat will expire on that schedule.
The Patriot Act, si se pueda.

And you know something?
You know something?
We will NOT give up.
Man, don’t give me a permission slip to defend us.
Right. Cool. Very cool.

Double the budget.
We’re going to New Hampshire
And to South Carolina.
And Oklahoma and Arizona

The killers will fail.
And that’s hard to explain to our partners
Yeah, willing foreign workers when no Americans can be found
In Britain, Australia, Japan, South Korea, the Phillippines, Thailand
And North Dakota and New Mexico.

And we’re going to Washington!
Yeah, I’m on the Red Line right now.
Straight to the White House.
Shit. The train’s out of service.

Wait, I can switch to the Green Line
The service on this subway bites.
We’re providing more funding for our schools
—a 36 percent increase since 2001.
The Metro? I oppose amnesty.

The status quo always has defenders!
Yeah, the sanctity of marriage
Si se puede. Yeah I think it’s possible.
Wait a minute. Wait, here it comes.

Man, that felt good. Whew, really good.
Ok, adiós amigo. Later.

Other Performances:
The Theatre of the Barely Socially Acceptable, Act 1
The Theatre of the Barely Socially Acceptable, Act 3

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