Jeff Likes to Tell Stories

Welcome to my blog. I haven’t kept up with it in a while. But I hope to get back to writing the types of stories you’ll find here. If my life was a sitcom, these might be considered scripts for the show. I write about my life, my interactions with my family and those strangers I encounter on a daily basis. My more serious writing can be found in various places. But I often post them on Medium.

News Outta My Control / 13.09.2001

I remember one night being so scared I wouldn't go to sleep. I'd been watching Invaders from Mars on TV for the fourth night in a row. When I yelled for my mom, she opened the bedroom door and told me "just think good thoughts" (as if that was going to work). When it didn't, she forced me to watch it again with her the next night. Only when she pointed out the zippers on the Martians' skin could I think about anything good. The story above is from a photo/text piece I made in the late 80s. I took the...

News Outta My Control / 11.09.2001

What can I say? 9:30. I was at the Renwick Gallery, which is right across from the White House, for a press preview for a new exhibit our museum is opening this week (at least was scheduled to open). Someone mentioned the WTC had been hit by two planes. I went downstairs to watch the news. Soon thereafter I decided to take the subway back to my office. I walked about 3 blocks to the Metro station but didn't notice anything odd. Normal crowds and traffic. 10:00. By the time I got back to the office everyone was watching the TV....

Fairly Odd Parents-Present / 24.08.2001

We’ve just returned from an East Coast summer institution and I have been baptized in the waters of Wildwood, New Jersey! Our family’s first vacation at the New Jersey shore. The Shore: one of the first differences I noted about East and West Coast summer rituals. Oh, people here often call it “the beach” but “the shore” has a long standing tradition. It’s an event imbued with 19th century gentility: one of escaping the oppressive heat of New York, Philadelphia or the swampland called Washington, DC. People around here will tell you they’re going “down the ocean” (said in my best...

Idiosyncratic Celebrations / 14.07.2001

If you remember, back in May Le Premier Fauchage de Pelouse du Festival de Saison marked the beginning of the lawn mowing season. You might also remember that we've been having trouble with the belt that propels the lawn mower around our palatial estate. By June it was slipping off so often it no longer made mowing a pleasurable experience. I hired a local guy to do it while I took the mower in for service. It took 3 weeks to get the estimate informing us the crankshaft was bent (the probable reason for the belt problem) and that it would...

Fairly Odd Parents-Past / 03.07.2001

I found it! The episode of the television show It Could Be You my mother was on in the 50s. I've been combing the NBC Master Broadcast Reports at the Library of Congress since March. Every other Monday I'd go there on my day off and look through transcripts of the show on microfilm. It was a daunting task and required every methodical brain cell I had to systematically scroll through each year. Ultimately, though, I relied on vague memories of how old I might have been and when in the year it might have aired. I remembered being in the...

Fairly Odd Parents-Past, Fairly Odd Parents-Present / 17.06.2001

My wife turned over in bed and said "Happy Father's Day, honey! Would you like breakfast in bed?" "No thanks," I replied. "But some early morning 'p and q' [peace and quiet] would really be nice." One of my most favorite times in the day is early, early morning, before the kids get up. I often wait for the newspaper to be delivered at 5:30 am just to sit and read, uninterrupted for 30 minutes before getting ready for work. My quiet time is worth so much to me I gladly go to bed at the ungodly hour of 9:30...

Fairly Odd Parents-Present / 10.06.2001

Synchronicity. Thursday morning I got two emails. One from another Jeff Gates (this one's the real estate agent in Michigan who was first to register jeffgates.com). The second from a woman who wanted to know if I was related to her grandmother. I answered the Jeff first, informing him we had a "relative" who ran for Senate in the Green Party this year. Then I opened Nina's email. I was intrigued the moment I saw the subject: my grandmother's maiden name. About three years ago I happened upon a geneology site and registered all my grandparents' names. I'd gotten one dead end...

Fairly Odd Parents-Present / 04.06.2001

She must have taken pity on us as we told our tale. For when we finished she suggested our daughters spend the night at her house so we could go out for our anniversary! We were in shock! It was hard enough finding a babysitter for any evening (the reason for our plight), let alone the entire night! Why this was unprecedented (in our house). This was a first! We gladly and immediately accepted. So on Saturday, around 4, we dropped both of them off. We felt secure for she was my daughter's teacher and we knew her boys, the same ages...

Fairly Odd Parents-Present, Mechanical Aversions / 12.05.2001

This is a momentous day! First, it's Le Premier Fauchage de Pelouse du Festival de Saison, a holiday celebrated throughout the known suburban world this time each year (at least in the northern hemisphere). It's also the fanciest way of saying I mowed the lawn for the first time this season! I never knew that translating mundane tasks using Babblefish could make my life seem so rewarding. But more on that in a minute. Part I The day started early. I got up at 5:30 am (on a Saturday I'd like noted) to get to the county's aquatic center to register my...

Professional Auteurism / 05.05.2001

I was at the Digital Arts and Culture conference in Providence last week. This meeting began a few years ago to discuss the issues surrounding hypertext literature and media and represents a new subculture for me within the digital art world. As always, the best part of these "doos" is meeting people in between sessions or over dinner. Good to see you again Donna, Judd, Nick, and Vika. Nice meeting you Myles, Lori, Ron, Edie, and Jack Ox, who won't mind if I use her full and real name. There was a little too much theory at times (this coming...