Fairly Odd Parents-Past, Fairly Odd Parents-Present / 24.08.2002

The overture to our 2002 annual summer vacation conjures up recollections of preparations of years past. As a boy my memories are decidedly child-oriented: the anticipation of getting up before the dawn (what was special then has become a daily occurrence now) and going to unchartered places beyond my normal parent-defined neighborhood boundaries ("Don't go past the Nichol's house!"). Now, it's off to AAA for maps, arrange for someone to feed the cat, and pack, not just for myself but for the girls as well. To say that I was clueless as a child to all the preparations that went...

Artistic Tendencies / 13.08.2002

Some are headline type of people but I'm mostly a peripheral sort of guy. The edges and the background are where I like to live. If you know me, you might be surprised to hear me say that. I can be pretty forthright and direct. But it's the underneath and in between I really love. Take music. One of my secret desires is to be a backup singer. My voice is not lead material. And I hold no illusions about its quality. American Idol is neither my desire nor quest (I'm a much better critic of my range and choice of...

Fairly Odd Parents-Past, Idiosyncratic Celebrations / 04.08.2002

Forty years ago I became a man. In the Jewish sense. August 4th, 1962 I was bar mitzvahed. It was actually the 4th of Av, 5722 on the Jewish calendar. And that day actually fell on July 13 this year. But I, being the assimilated Jew that I am, decided to commemorate this event by going to temple yesterday, a place not normally a part of my Saturday schedule. Since I live far from where I grew up I went in search of a synagogue. A coworker recommended a couple shuls nearby, one Reform and one Conservative. I grew up in...

Idiosyncratic Celebrations / 17.07.2002

Every year it's the same cast of characters: Phyllis Diller, Art Linkletter, Lucy Arnaz, and Donald Sutherland. All were born on July 17. And every year I make sure I tune in on Entertainment Tonight on this day to see if there are any new starlets who have joined our group. What just a minute. Doing a Google search, there are more of us. How could I forget Earl Stanley Gardner (Perry Mason), Bernice Abbott (photographer), Peter Schickele (Schickele's Mix and P.D.Q. Bach), Phoebe Snow, and David Hasselhoff (who turns 50 today)? We are an illustrious group. It's not only birthdays...

Fairly Odd Parents-Present / 15.07.2002

Finally! Fret's over. Now what? • • • Today is Jeffrey Lynn's birthday. Jeff and I grew up together in Pacoima, CA. His house was just down the block, in the second keyhole, as we used to call his cul-de-sac. One day he told me he was going to move and that was the last I saw of him. I don't remember any days leading up to his family's leaving, seeing a big van come to take their furniture to their new house, nor Jeff saying goodbye. He just seemed to vanish. Aside from sharing our first name, our birthdays were just...

Commuting with Nature / 12.07.2002

Morning Short #1 On our morning commute: my eldest daughter (age 5 3/4) told me she wanted a phone in her room just as a real live version of Abe Simpson passed us on the street. I almost dropped my teeth. Aside from the great weather we've been having in DC this week (think San Francisco in May), I've had the pleasure of observing thousands of people in the neighborhood of my office signing to each other: walking down the street, waiting in Starbucks lines (which are much longer these days), and in restaurants. All are here for Deafway II, an international...

Artistic Tendencies, News Outta My Control / 06.07.2002

Once again the news is authenticating my life. The latest example comes from New Scientist magazine. It is reporting that studies now show that people become more eccentric as they age: "Odd and eccentric behaviour increases with age—but flamboyant behaviour becomes less pronounced, according to a new UK study." Coincidentally, I've been thinking about my, um, specialness (ok, quirks) for the last month. This is what happens when an artist moonlights as a bureaucrat. To offset the effects of paper pushing, project managing, and heavy administrative duties most federal workers cultivate outside interests—hobbies: sports, stamp collecting, and primping one's car,...

News Outta My Control / 26.06.2002

I pledge allegiance to the flagOf the United States of AmericaAnd to the Republic for which is standsOne nation under GodWith liberty and justice for all What is going on here? Twice in a day my life is imitating, well, the news. Just yesterday, on the Metro, my eldest daughter (who has joined her sister and I on our daily commutes for the next three weeks) started reciting the Pledge of Allegiance. When I asked her just who she was pledging allegiance to, she replied "God" with a beautiful smile that reflected her confidence. And, this just in, a federal appeals court...

Mechanical Aversions, News Outta My Control / 26.06.2002

I knew it! I knew it! Earlier this month I mentioned that the sound of children's crying could drive someone mad. I suggested someone invent a deafening device to save parents from approaching the brink. One must be careful for what one wishes for. In a twist, the Pentagon has taken my research and is now developing a weapon that WILL drive people (i.e. our enemies) into submission using the cries of babies. Our government wants to harness the power of this innocent, yet untapped demographic to help in the war effort! I never meant for my problem to become others'. I never...

Artistic Tendencies / 22.06.2002

This past week I participated in the The World Mediation Summit here in Washington, DC. Attended by government workers, cultural representatives from numerous embassies, artists, and cultural workers, it was sponsored by the US Department of Art and Technology and the Goethe-Institut. In my duel roles as both Deputy Secretary of the Department (working directly under the Secretary, Randall Packer) and Under Secretary for the Office of Artist and Homeland Insecurity, I was asked to give some opening remarks: The events of September 11 have caused all Americans to look at the world and our lives in new ways. We are beginning...