29 Oct I Was a Pre-Teen Pro-Marksman

In the last few days the Republicans have decided that they’re going to win. Everything they’re reading says they’re going to win…

Have you ever seen anybody fall off of the roof of a house? I used to be in construction. There’s a funny thing that happens. They usually laugh. Just before they go off the edge there’s this moment where they laugh. That’s what’s happening to the Republicans. They’ve just gone off the edge of the house.

Tom Bodett on the NPR program Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me

In Robert Siegel’s interview with Karl Rove on National Public Radio this week, Rove disputed recent polls by telling Siegel “I add up to a Republican Senate and a Republican House. You may end up with a different math but you’re entitled to your math and I’m entitled to THE math.” Rove was seen laughing just before he fell off of, I mean, just before he made this statement.

With a week to go before midterm elections political mud and “new math” are being slung in speeches and on the airwaves. Funny things happen when people are desperate. And those looking ahead to 2008 are reminding voters of their youthful follies with the more lurid edges of our culture. It is the season for preemptive full disclosure.

Proof of my marksman abilities. Click image for full disclosure.

Because of our desire for neighborly bliss, we at Chez Gates have decided to keep our politics off our front lawn this year. However, I have just unearthed some interesting documentation from my own past and in an effort to come clean I, too, will admit to some youthful encounters with the other edge of the social spectrum. I was a pre-teen Pro-Marksman and I’ve got the NRA diploma to prove it.

Yes, dear friends of the Left and neighbors of the Right, I must reveal that I can shoot a gun with the best of the National Rifle Association’s finest. Oh, it’s been a while. But you know what they say: you can take the rifle away from the boy, but you will never take the boy away from the rifle.

Like the NRA’s Political Victory Fund, I also have an endorsement or two. And with this most important cred my views will surely be taken more seriously by the widest range of the American political electorate. But I will keep them to myself (this year reserving my sharpshooting skills for the voting booth). I wouldn’t want misuse my newest political collateral. I’ll wait until I decide to run for office. And I want to steer clear of laughing Republicans falling off roofs.

• [ Tom Bodett, Karl Rove, Robert Siegel, Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me, National Public Radio, National Rifle Association ]