Fairly Odd Parents-Present, Mechanical Aversions, News Outta My Control / 05.07.2007

Life Outtacontext's Current Reading on its iPhone Lust-O-Meter. I have determined there is a direct correlation between iPhone Lust and physical proximity with the device. Handling an iPhone increases the desire to own one in direct proportion to the length of time it’s played with, I mean, used. In addition, watching a demonstration, even on TV, also increases one’s desire. Since yesterday was a holiday, and my direct contact with the iPhone and my TV viewing was nil, my lust level has declined over the last 24 hours. Today's Washington Post review of the phone here and here, while good in...

Fairly Odd Parents-Present, Mechanical Aversions / 14.01.2007

No, not those implants! Spicing up a marriage with these silicon implants: Apple's Airport Express Sometimes it takes a bit of modern technology to spice up a marriage. A few well-placed silicon implants can do wonders. Last week I decided to upgrade our home wireless network. I had hacked an old DSL wireless modem to act as a router, broadcasting a wireless signal throughout our house. It had worked well for the last couple of years but we wanted more. Well, I wanted more. The signal dropped off right at the entrance to the two back bedrooms, ours and our eldest...

Mechanical Aversions / 20.02.2005

Mercury, the messenger of the gods, is in charge of all things that have to do with communication, electronics and transportation. And Mercury is set to turn retrograde for the next three weeks.


During this time, it's challenging at best to get where you want to go or reach who you want to contact and dealing with computers can be an absolute nightmare. Fortunately, there's a purpose for everything.


Right now, you're being asked to review, repair, redo, revamp and look things over for a second time until Mercury goes direct. In the meantime, concentrate on fixing what's broken, giving something a second shot and being especially diligent at troubleshooting.

From an Online Astrological Site

I have been shamed into entering the 21st century. Shamed! "You are a Web designer and you don't have broadband at home? Tsk, tsk, tsk."

I really never saw a strong need for it, given its price point. I was paying a whopping $6.95/month for dialup. But with my friends' strong admonitions (you know who you are) and my need for a faster home connection to establish a VPN hookup to my work's servers, I was forced to reconsider.

Cable was too expensive and they added fees for every computer you wanted to connect. After copious research I settled on Verizon DSL. It was the cheapest and they had been supporting Mac OS X for a while. When it comes to being the first Mac person in my neighborhood to walk into a PC-based world, the vanguard I am not.

When my DSL modem arrived last week I was pleasantly surprised to see it was also a wireless router. Connecting the other computers in the house should theoretically be a breeze (and I wouldn't have to buy an Airport Basestation).

To those of my readers who are already in a fog by my use of acronyms and words like VPN and router, wait there's more. I understand your desire for clarity. And this is the point of this tale.

Fairly Odd Parents-Present, Mechanical Aversions / 01.09.2003

You think we don't know what you're doing?! Do you actually think you're fooling us? You're just pretending to clean our dishes. Well, yes, it did take us months to realize just what you were really up to. Every now and then we'd notice a piece of food cemented to a clean glass or bowl. At first we simply ignored it. We didn't want to believe you would turn on us. But when the evidence became a regular occurrence we were forced to call in a specialist who pronounced your computer brain utterly and certifiably dead.

You've been washing with hot water but you're no longer signaling the little door that holds the soap to open on cue. With great hope we add detergent to each load but leave that door open. We want to think that some portion of the soap will dribble out, hide from the drain during the first cycle and actually sanitize our plates. We know we're living in a dream world. We just pray it isn't a salmonella-laden one.

Artistic Tendencies, Fairly Odd Parents-Present, Mechanical Aversions / 11.05.2003

I, the fashion maven that I am, have declared the 1960s are back! In particular that oh-so-special tie dye look. Well, ok, I messed up. But it really wasn’t my fault. I followed my wife’s point-by-point instructions for removing spots from my girls’ tops and now I have, sitting in front of me, a pile of clothes with all these wonderful patterns. I’ve convinced the girls they look cool and I’m reading them bedtime stories about flower children. I've got their interest but I will have to work a bit harder to convince my wife. Here’s what happened: I washed the tops in...

Mechanical Aversions, News Outta My Control / 26.06.2002

I knew it! I knew it! Earlier this month I mentioned that the sound of children's crying could drive someone mad. I suggested someone invent a deafening device to save parents from approaching the brink. One must be careful for what one wishes for. In a twist, the Pentagon has taken my research and is now developing a weapon that WILL drive people (i.e. our enemies) into submission using the cries of babies. Our government wants to harness the power of this innocent, yet untapped demographic to help in the war effort! I never meant for my problem to become others'. I never...

Commuting with Nature, Mechanical Aversions / 15.06.2002

I knew it was going to be a bad day. The whining began immediately at our front door as we rushed off to school and work. By the time we were safely ensconced in our secure subway seats my daughter was broadcasting loud and clear to the hundreds before us! "I'm tired." Not just just like it reads but more like "Iyaaaaaaam tirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRD." Oh, it defies transliteration! Ask any parent to repeat this to you over and over and over and over for its full effect. My usual, logical next step is to accommodate my little one. "Put your head on...

Idiosyncratic Celebrations, Mechanical Aversions / 28.10.2001

Spores, spores, spores! That's all we've been hearing about here in DC. And it's clear those pesky little things are harder to control than the CDC originally thought. It is making me just a tad nervous. But what's really on my mind this weekend are spores of another kind: mold spores! For the month long La feuille Souffler la Fête (or Festival De Soufflement De Feuille, depending on which web translation page you use), what better way is there to put a positive spin on my yearly encounter with my handy dandy leaf blower than making it sound so, well, so...

Fairly Odd Parents-Present, Mechanical Aversions / 12.05.2001

This is a momentous day! First, it's Le Premier Fauchage de Pelouse du Festival de Saison, a holiday celebrated throughout the known suburban world this time each year (at least in the northern hemisphere). It's also the fanciest way of saying I mowed the lawn for the first time this season! I never knew that translating mundane tasks using Babblefish could make my life seem so rewarding. But more on that in a minute. Part I The day started early. I got up at 5:30 am (on a Saturday I'd like noted) to get to the county's aquatic center to register my...