The Theatre of the Barely Socially Acceptable, Act 13

14 Jul 2007
July 14, 2007

As she boarded the Orange Line train for the burbs she sat down and immediately opened her David’s Bridal catalogue. Ever on the lookout for my next episode of The Theatre of the Barely Socially Acceptable, I surreptitiously observed her behind my iPod-induced playlist (always good camouflage). She quietly thumbed through the pages and I returned to India.Arie’s I Am Not My Hair. Suddenly, above the beat:

Hi, it’s me.
I’m looking at the bridal catalogue. Do you have it in front of you?
Oh, I’m sorry. Do you want to talk about it? Men.

Well, ok. Now are you still set on brown for the bridesmaids?
Oh, and do you want the necklines to all be the same?
The V-Neck I tried on at the bridal shop wouldn’t work for me –too low cut–
It would show my cleavage.

I turned my volume down just a bit.

But you want Stacie to look good, right?
Yeah, even though we hate her we don’t want her to look bad.
You don’t want everyone saying
“Yikes, she looks really bad!”
and draw attention away from you.
Right, all eyes should be on you.

Scoop neck? That’s perfect for me.
And just about perfect for Stacie.

2 replies
  1. Nina says:

    Oh, you want bridesmaid stories?
    All of us were 35 and some married, but our “friend” wanted us to all dress in the same peach Grecian folds thing. We were pissed. I arrived totally stoned and proceeded to… Well, let me just say we are no longer “friends.”

  2. Donna says:

    Jeff, funny story, I love it. And Nina, I think you had a total right to show up stoned if she was going to make you wear peach.
    I can’t believe that Grecian look is in now. It doesn’t look good on anyone.

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